Today I’m thinking about “Life isn’t a zero sum game.” What does that mean? Well a zero sum game, in game theory, is a game where someone winning also means someone loses. Nothing inherently wrong with that idea and the reality that there are winners and losers whenever there is competition. That’s just the thing life isn’t inherently a competition.
One of the first zero sum games I remember is marbles. In marbles often tradition insists that you “play for keeps”. Meaning the winner gets to take home all the marbles they capture. Their winnings are exactly the opponent’s losses. I hated it. Which probably means I was bad at marbles, and I’m sure I was. How could it be any different? If a bigger kid convinces you to play, they take you for all they can then leave you with fewer resources. Also the high stakes insistence makes practice risky, too.
Approaching life like a game of marbles, leaves us with only seeking to win or avoid loss. This approach leaves people keeping score in their lives. These points and winning often end up damaging our relationships because winning becomes more important than the other person.
When people approach life like a zero sum game everyone is an adversary, trying to get what’s yours while you try to get what’s theirs. There is no room for “ours”. Life becomes a power struggle on every level. That power struggle can be isolating and exhausting.
Big Thoughts in Our Little World 