We Get the Golden Rule Wrong

“Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.”

That was the golden rule as it was taught to me. I thought it was the real definitive way to know how to treat other people. I would literally treat other people the way I wanted them to treat me, basically teach them how to treat me by treating them the same way.

There is just one problem with that. Other people aren’t me. They are their own whole other person, with thoughts, needs, feelings, history, culture and the list goes on and on. How I want to be treated has no bearing on how other people want to be treated. By living the golden rule literally, I mostly became annoying.

Really the take away from how we treat other people is how we think it is acceptable to act. What I mean when I say that is if you are a disher of harsh criticism, it sets the scene for others to think that harsh criticism is how you interact with the world so criticizing you harshly is acceptable. This may or may not be the criticizer’s preference, but now it is out there anyway.

So instead of the simplistic golden rule, I think of it this way: Treat others the way THEY want to be treated, AND behave the way I want others to behave around me. I like being treated with respect. I know that every person feels respected in different ways. I try to follow their lead and listen when they tell me I’m off.