Second Impressions

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

That is how the saying goes, but I actually learn a lot more from my second impression. That is where I really determine how I feel.

For example, in a first interaction with a random stranger, I expect we are both on not necessarily our best behavior, but at least “reasonable in public” behavior, and I will err on the side of kindness. If you treat me badly I will not change how I treat you, necessarily but I will remember how you treated me.

What is really telling to me is how our next interaction goes, does this now recognizable stranger behave the same way? If so I will have better boundaries now that I know what to expect. But if they treat me better I will add that to my knowledge of them and act accordingly knowing they exhibit both behaviors. I won’t forget I was treated badly, but I won’t carry the expectation that I have to defend myself against this person.

Best of all, is if they acknowledge that it went badly the first time… I probably won’t want to stay strangers. This is the good stuff where friendships are made. The level of introspection and vulnerability it takes to bring up our own unpleasant behavior, is a good sign to me that this person is safe to do that with also. I know that impression might be wrong, but in these cases it’s worth the risk to find out.

So for me that second impression, where an incident or meeting becomes a pattern, is the really important point one. I don’t expect people to be perfect, but I appreciate when someone goes to the effort to acknowledge a bad first impression. That second one will be the one that sticks.