Varnish

How many filters do you have to apply
before you accept belonging?

What happens if they slide?
Do you become unworthy then?

The soft squishy amorphous you
unfiltered and not acceptable for public consumption,
when the truth is revealed and the uncanny leads to confirmation
of the dread always felt.

Docking left incomplete
Connection lost
Territory lines defined
Access denied

The ritual proceeds undaunted,
feeling flare
isolation
mournful observation from a distance
jealousy
sifting the ash
recalibrating the compasses
Set off again.

Another lacquered layer of
what not to do next time,
Heavier each application
Until the weight of fixing for others
creates a momentum insurmountable
and it all stops.