Choosing a New Legacy

I am feral, I am fae
I culturally reject the legacy I was handed
The god
The land
The blood
The violence

I reject the Patriarchy
I reject supremacy of all kinds
I reject my place in the colonial kingdom

I accept
As fully as I can
my racist, misogynist, abelist
history and personal actions
I can believe in my intentions
but they do not matter
the impact of me not rejecting the white god sooner
will always be mine to bear

And I do not deserve the luxury of a
woe is me.
I do not want it anyway,
My place in the world was handed to me
without my consent,
just like everyone else.

If not woe then what?
Who has time for woe
when we all must be confined in this space and time
Why must I choose to swim upstream?
The trip is so hard and everything is against me.

I want to get to the root
my root
find the poison in my well
so I quit
and work to quit
over and over again

Sending it downstream

It’s OK I Missed the Train

Waiting for my letter to Hogwarts.
But not really, I’m closer to an old lady now
Why do I feel this way?

Waiting for an invitation out of my life as it is
knowing I was meant for more
knowing I am more
an invitation that never comes

I don’t even want to go to Hogwarts.
Ensconced in an institution in a magical fever dream of a TERF.

But that magical moment of being seen
Being rescued
Being valued for the first time in my life.
That’s the longing.
The longing for the invitation to belong.

And to stop the need to prove that I do.