Author: Giggleklutz

Gamer mom to the fabulous Honeyshuckleex and Sackbotbbq. Keeper of the blog. Lover of puzzle games of many types. Keep up with our adventures on our podcast: Collab Not Multiplayer.

That’s Alright I’m Used to It: Part 2

Image of Sarah in the 1986 film Labyrinth. She is a young girl with a determined smirk on her face, with a hedge maze in the background.
Not as thoughtful as I remembered.

I wrote my first post about this scene on how I was inspired to rethink my position on accepting things just because they are familiar. This is on how when rewatching this scene, Sarah doesn’t seem to think this is wrong, like I thought she did. Look at this face. In no way do I think she’s being evil. She looks like she is enjoying her discovery of a clever solution, which is exactly what is happening in this scene.

Seeing it now and knowing what comes next makes me uncomfortable. (She holds a door knocker’s nose to suffocate them until they open their mouth for her.) Yes, this is completely overthinking the plight of a fictional fantasy door knocker in a movie with puppets. At the same time, when have I had this kind of impact? How many times have I been so determined, so set on my goals that I didn’t even notice the distress I caused others around me.

It can be so easy to justify what would be in any other context terrible behavior, when we are faced with dire circumstances. Sarah has a limited amount of time to save her brother from The Goblin King. I doubt that she would under normal circumstances just jump to the conclusion that a logical course of action would include depriving a stranger of air to get what she wanted. Her urgent mission kind of short circuits reason and gives a pass on what is acceptable behavior.

Close up picture of Sarah smiling with teeth.
This is not the face of regret.

Sarah goes from thinking of her solution to action within seconds. She doesn’t stop to think if that is the best decision or her only solution. There may have been many other ways to solve her problem of being able to use the knocker on the door. She could have asked the knocker of the best solution from their point of view, and maybe her choice would have still been the one she had to use, but she went there first.

It can be so easy to get caught up in what we are doing that we don’t notice that it’s not fun and games for everyone in our wake. These last few years have been hard on almost everyone. It can be easy to lose sight of the impact of our actions as we navigate hard circumstance in the strange new territory of our technological world.

The longer the stressful circumstances remain, with life thrown off kilter dealing with social unrest and a global pandemic in it’s third year, the more I and my fellow humans on this rock in space may have gotten comfortable with behavior I would not be proud of in other circumstances. I’m taking this time to reflect and assess. I want to make choices based on being proud of myself in the future, not just finding the most clever way to get by.

I want to state that I love the movie, Labyrinth. This scene, and the fact that I can pick it apart and learn things about myself, speaks to the richness of the source material. The fact that Sarah is absolutely a fallible character, that she is not perfect and makes odd choices, makes this a fun and engaging story.

I’m grateful for the reminder that if I check in with myself and am honest, I get the opportunity to choose the impact I have. I won’t have to look back on my life and see places where I got used to things I really wish I hadn’t, and get to be the person I chose to be, rather than who I was swept up to become. It is very easy to get swept up in things and end up places you didn’t mean to go. I’ve done enough of that, I want to choose more wisely now.

Not Invisible to Me

I see you friend.

The way you wear that heavy cloak of pain.

Most people can’t see it, can they?

I’m sorry for its weight.

I’m sorry for its invisibility.

I see you.

I see you trying your best.

Being judged for your moods when your world is crashing around you

in the weight of all you carry.

They do not hesitate to blame you and add to your burdens.

Blocking your path making you turn around and go the long way.

I see you.

I see how much fortitude it takes, how much running in painful circles.

The game is rigged against us my friend.

Second Impressions

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

That is how the saying goes, but I actually learn a lot more from my second impression. That is where I really determine how I feel.

For example, in a first interaction with a random stranger, I expect we are both on not necessarily our best behavior, but at least “reasonable in public” behavior, and I will err on the side of kindness. If you treat me badly I will not change how I treat you, necessarily but I will remember how you treated me.

What is really telling to me is how our next interaction goes, does this now recognizable stranger behave the same way? If so I will have better boundaries now that I know what to expect. But if they treat me better I will add that to my knowledge of them and act accordingly knowing they exhibit both behaviors. I won’t forget I was treated badly, but I won’t carry the expectation that I have to defend myself against this person.

Best of all, is if they acknowledge that it went badly the first time… I probably won’t want to stay strangers. This is the good stuff where friendships are made. The level of introspection and vulnerability it takes to bring up our own unpleasant behavior, is a good sign to me that this person is safe to do that with also. I know that impression might be wrong, but in these cases it’s worth the risk to find out.

So for me that second impression, where an incident or meeting becomes a pattern, is the really important point one. I don’t expect people to be perfect, but I appreciate when someone goes to the effort to acknowledge a bad first impression. That second one will be the one that sticks.